Always Awake

Most people swear I never sleep.  It's 1 am.  Last night I went to bed at 2:30.  I can see why this is true.  It was a Friday night and I stayed at the dorms to get stuff done.  I went to the gym though and it was glorious.  I'm reading a book called One Day and I read it while on the elliptical.  I took a shower and got some homework done but now I'm redoing essays that are due tomorrow.  We leave tomorrow morning to go on our PLP freshman retreat.  I'm really excited for it it's just it's in the middle of midterms so it's stressful, but it'll be a good stress relief. I am working on a paper for my First Year Seminar Class about the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that has been in the military for 17 years saying gays could serve as long as they don't act on their feelings.  I can't believe I'm always doing homework.  Hopefully it pays off.  I love it here though
         I found out tonight that Allie Thorpe is engaged! Yep she got engaged today to Grant.  So insane to think about.  I've known her since I was 5.  I'm really happy for her.  I'm glad I'm not getting married but I am excited for her.
          I also met a guy today who is from Salt Lake and played lax at Waterford.  I've met him before but never asked where he was from.  He knows a bunch of people from Brighton so we talked and it was funny.  Small world.
     I'm off to fix my papers.  Night night!

late night at the library

So basically it's 1am and I'm in the library.  There are actually about 15 people here.  I am overwhelmed well actually I just feel like I don't have a purpose in this life right now.  All I want is to be helping people. Send me to Haiti right now to play with orphans, let me go teach in the Mississippi Delta, allow me to make blankets for Shriners Hospital.  Anything to help people.  My life has been filled with so much great fortune and there are so many people who are trying to feed a family for $1 a day. There are millions of people world-wide without a roof over their heads and here I am spending $50,000 a year on school.  What am I getting out of it? Sure a ton of lifelong friends, relationships, fun, learning about myself, gym time (oh wait I never have time for that because of homework), baking cakes, celebrating for birthdays. What more could one need right? Well I need more than this to feel like I'm doing something for the greater good.  I sit in class and hear lectures about topics that aren't very prevalent to my tastes. I ask God for an answer of how to guide my life.  I'm drained because I don't feel useful.  
1:49am- I am still here.  I started falling asleep but now I'm wide awake.  I'm sitting next to a man who is blind.  My life is so incredibly great and full of opportunity and hope.  Why do I need to write this paper about Gay and Lesbians and the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law?  Why can't I just talk with this man, or make blankets or tutor people?  
3:05- well now I think I'll go take a nice nap for 4 hours before the day starts again.  How long am I going to do this to myself?  I am so fortunate to have this education sometimes it gets tough though.  I'll have a nice walk in the 50 degree weather back to the dorm. Time for a little bit of sleep. Nighty night